No End

So here we are, the eve of my last day of work after 14 years of being the go to person for the GB Cycling Team.  I suppose it's some kind of an ending, but it really doesn't feel that way.  In many ways, for me, it's a beginning, and because my life is now so wrapped up in cycling, I don't really feel I can ever leave it.  Because cycling is not just an adjunct to my life, it's there, it's with me, and I expect it to stay.

It's a huge beginning, and I anticipate even more reflection than usual as I look at life events and realise that actually, I can't shy away from it, this is a big life event.  At least I more than think it is, I really hope it is.  It's not about change though.  I'm not looking to change me, who I am, what I do, more to embrace my own sense of me-ness.  I know who I am, and I like me.  This is all about me.  Ha, it is, after all, it seems, all about me.  Excellent.

Facebook allows for you to note (and publicise to anyone who cares to read) your life events.  You can put all kinds of crap down there, dates you met friends, dates your first pea crop ripened.  Whatever really.  As planned life events go, this is clearly one.  That's weird, isn't it, a planned life event.  It seems to me most of the biggies are pretty much unplanned.  I didn't plan the day I met my husband or the day that he died.  I didn't expect the day I walked up Tryfan with my friend Tim to turn into what, for me, was a big life event.  For some people things like marriages, christenings, first this, first that, last this, last that are all part of a plan, all events to be celebrated, but somehow they don't really turn out to be the biggest of your life events.  I wouldn't classify many of those traditional moments as my life events, it's other things which make a life event.  Remember doing half of Offa's Dyke Path with Sue, when we took forever to climb up into the Black Mountains and the minute we sat down to eat sandwiches the cloud came and surrounded us so thickly we could hardly see each other, up there on the dark peat pathway, all bleak nothingness for miles which wasn't nothingness, it was Sue and it was me and it was good.

So, all in all, will the planned departure be, in fact, a life event?  Who knows.

And the original of Love is All Around was brought to you by the Troggs.  I googled it so I know it must be true.

"My mind's made up by the way that I feel
There's no beginning, there'll be no end"