It's something I realise I've seen in friends, the belief that without doing the things I do with other people I have no value to them, there's nothing I have to offer, and I don't know what to do if I'm not walking, climbing, riding or kayaking.
Like holding a mirror up, I know how shaken it's made me in the past realising a friend felt like this, felt that she needed to offer *fun* to be with people. She didn't know what else to offer them, didn't know how to occupy her time either alone or with others, and was sorrowful as a result. It jolted me, the realisation she felt that all her friends wanted her for was an adjunct, someone to go up mountains with. And I took her away with a tent and beer to a place with music and pig roasting and laughing people for a weekend. Because she's a friend. How could she possibly feel like that, and yet I knew the feeling was genuine and that for once my vibrant lively friend was down. And there's that mirror again.
For me, friends who I was meant to drive to have dinner with last week but couldn't because of the injury suggested that instead they came to me and brought food. Humbled somewhat by the offer, and really wishing I could do something in return, I said yes. Last night they came round, and it was wonderful to see them, and an evening of chatter, food and no alcohol took place. The grateful good cheer I got from this, and the sparkle I saw in my friends reminded me that sometimes just people together can be enough.
So, buoyed up by this I'm getting in touch with folk and asking them to tea ...
It's funny though, the temporary suspension of self worth. That's not really who I am. Is it?
And leaving you with my latest ear worm ...
No comments:
Post a Comment