Her laughter

I’ve been too busy to write.  This is, naturally, a good thing.

It’s been a bit of a time of discovery.  I have discovered:

My recovery time from injury is pretty good (this time) and I have come out the other side changed.   I am, as ever, thankful, truly so because although I never take good health for granted, and never take life itself for granted, but a set back serves as a reminder of this.  I always rejoice in good health, but never more than a post illness or injury period when I am truly grateful for the gifts I have been given.  I know this sounds edging dangerously close to religious speak, but I guess although maybe not religious, I do have a spiritual being, and if moved to that feeling of fullness in my chest by life happening, it feels natural to want to express appreciation of that somehow, to someone.  I get round this sometimes by simply turning to the person I’m with in that moment and telling them thank you, thank  you for your part in this wonderful experience of living that I’m feeling right now.

This injury has given me a sense of urgency, a feeling that I’m playing catch up.  I’m chasing something, chasing someone, and I think it’s me.  I’m chasing the person I would have been had I not hurt myself.  I can see her ahead of me on the hills, making a Froome-esque come along movement with her arm, puzzled because I’m falling behind and wondering why I’m not up there with her.  

Riding has become an autotelic activity for me.  I know this sounds a bit like a swallowed dictionary, but for me, this simple concept has somehow distilled it for me.  It’s not about anything else except for riding, and I owe no explanation or ability to put this into words and feelings to anyone, myself included.  

 Oh, and this amuses me ... http://www.urbanrabbits.net/autotelic.html In a way which makes me wince, I guess I identify with it to an extent.  To say that makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable; it feels like I'm bragging or making myself out to be special.  I'm not.

I question my whys too often. Sometimes we just need to be, and to rejoice in the splendour.

And a song from someone who I think is pretty special in a self publicizing kind of a way ...