Little space

Windgather in the evening sun.  Something almost meditational about being there.  Climbing is a curious pastime.  In my eyes, the purpose of climbing is to form part of a journey, to chose a route not everyone would take, in a whole metaphor for life and how we live.  Somehow though, despite the convention for climbing requiring two people, one to climb and one to safely belay them, it is still an activity you do alone, with that feeling of isolated silence despite the presence of other people.  To climb at a crag like Windgather isn't really to climb, not to me, it's something else again, it's more a rehearsal, something not real, a trial run of something hopefully bigger, and as you climb you dream of larger spaces, somehow within yourself yet outside.  Absorbed in the moment and yet somehow part of the warm air over the hills which stretch to the horizon. 

There's a curious feeling about spending time on something which has no tangible purpose, has no meaning, isn't somehow a step on a journey. It's just doing something to be there. To be real.  To simply exist.

So many decisions I've made haven't felt deliberate, have had no true design behind or in front of them, yet have been made without hesitation.  I've always kind of known my direction, my mind, never paused in a dilemma between two roads, and yet like Robert Frost, when

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,"

that's what my instinct seems to have done, to take me by the less traveled route.  It's a quiet passion which warmly resides in me.  No less a passion for life for being self contained.  A rounded dark grey stone, it'll never be eroded and in its centre is a blaze of light and fire which is mine, white hot and cherished and it'll not go out, it can't be touched from the outside.  But it's there, and it's mine.

And today I have a sense of doors slamming, which brings me to this by Jimmy Nail.

"and then she kisses me
and somewhere I hear a door slam
so I say 'fine'
and just hope that I'm a better liar
than she is"